Humor & Entertain

When Insults Had Class

Oh, to say the right thing at the appropriate times. Especially the clever zinging insult. If not, try to rememer these instead!

  • The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
    She said, “If you were my husband I’d give you poison.”
    He said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”
  • I refuse to admit that I’m more than fifty-two even if that does make my sons illegitimate. -Lady Astor
  • “He had delusions of adequacy.” –Walter Kerr
  • “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. –Winston Churchill
  • “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” –Clarence Darrow
  • “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” –William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
  • “Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” –Moses Hadas
  • “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” –Mark Twain
  • “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends…” –Oscar Wilde
  • “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…. if you have one.” –George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
  • “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.” –Winston Churchill’s response
  • “I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” –Stephen Bishop
  • “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” –John Bright
  • “I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” –Irvin S. Cobb
  • “He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” -Samuel Johnson
  • “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” –Paul Keating
  • “In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” –Charles, Count Talleyrand
  • “He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” –Forrest Tucker
  • “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” –Mark Twain
  • “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” –Mae West
  • “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go…” –Oscar Wilde
  • “He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.” –Andrew Lang
  • “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” –Billy Wilder
  • “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” –Groucho Marx
  • “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”
    “That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”
    A member of Parliament to Disraeli Dianne Morris
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