Anyone will tell you, going through a divorce over 50 is difficult for a woman. But there are times in your life when you need to go through hard times to get to a better place.
I don’t like the word divorcee. It may sound fancy and glamorous to some, but it hurts my ears. Now that I’m in that better place, I have to admit – sometimes being a divorcee makes me just plain happy. Joyous, in fact.
1. Spend Money On Your Hair
When you’re married to a frugal guy, he thinks it’s insane when he discovers how much it costs to highlight your hair. (Well, it is insane, but that’s not the point.) I was never one to spend a lot on myself. Never bought a lot of clothes, shoes or jewelry. Never had professional manicures or pedicures – did it all myself. But my hair… that’s another story. My one extravagant pleasure. I do not want to divulge my full head of gray just yet. So I pay the big bucks for my natural light brown with just enough blonde highlights. My ex always gave me such a hard time about spending on my hair. And of course at home, he always bought the cheapest shampoo for himself — $1.99 tops. Maybe that’s the cause of his bald spot!
2. Enjoy Those Alimony Checks
For those of us lucky enough to receive our well-deserved alimony check, it’s always a pleasure to get that little extra. In my mind, I hear that “kaachinggg” when I know that my alimony is deposited in my bank account. Not that it’s a ton of cash, but it definitely helps. And even better is the image in my mind when I picture my ex’s tortured face each time he forces himself to write and sign that lovely check.
3. Have the Bed to Yourself
There’s nothing like snuggling and spooning in bed. Being divorced, I long for that closeness, that warmth, that affection. Yet there is something quite nice about sleeping alone – you’re alone! The entire bed is yours. In my case, I can spread out, roll over and do flips if I desire on my king size mattress. And no sharing covers! More importantly, you can sleep peacefully without being kicked in the shin or awakened by pig-like snores. Ahhh… peace and quiet.
4. Relax and Enjoy the Party
“How long are we going to stay?” That was the question my ex asked before we would see my family and friends. His family and friends, no problem. Mine — he did me a big favor by coming along. During a family get together, I could be mid-bite of a burger when time would be up — had to go. Going to parties alone can be a drag, but it’s such a relief to go on my own. I can relax, enjoy and I never have to hear that freakin’ question again.
5. Eat Whatever the Heck You Want
When it came to stocking the fridge, I always thought of my ex’s likes and dislikes first. If I didn’t come home with his foods he felt disrespected and angry. I was caught up in trying to please him way too much. I kept a kosher kitchen, too. No mixing of meat and milk products in my house and no shellfish either. Huge benefit of the breakup of my marriage – bring on that lobster dinner!
6 . Laugh Again
Laughter is actually number one on my list. During the time of my separation and divorce, my friends said I wasn’t the same person. During that time when you’re going through hell, it’s really easy to lose your spark. And for some, fall into a depression. I know that crying was part of my regular routine for a long time.
My advice is to talk to people – friends, professionals, get help. After the divorce is over and the dust settles, you will return to yourself. Your smile and your spark will come back. You will hear yourself laugh. That’s the best part of being divorced – my laugh. I hear it loud and often now. It’s back.