If You Were a Book, Who Would You Be?

One of my colleagues recently posted an intriguing question on my favorite Facebook Librarian hangout: “If you were being sold in a library book sale, which table would you be on?”

She had her first response within seconds:

Damaged.

Quickly followed by:

Mystery!

Adventure.

Bible stories. (I’m born again.

True Crime (I work in a prison library.)

Humor books! (They’re easy to read and you walk away smiling.)

As more librarians got into the game, the comments poured in:

Withdrawn.

Ephemera.

Inspirational (I want to make a difference in the lives of others.)

Overlooked gems.

Bedtime stories.

Audio Books. (I never shut up.)

A few responses were both insightful and descriptive:

I’m the book leveling out the table the other books are arranged on.

I’d be under the table, out of sight and forgotten, in a waterlogged box full of baby spiders.

But most of the comments were limited to a few quick words:

Staff picks.

Oddities.

Fantasy!

Trivia.

Self Help.

I’m a trashy romance!

Some answers would seem to reflect low self esteem:

Hurt.

Distressed.

Never checked out.

Fragile. Handle with Care.

Others, not so much:

Rare finds.

Classics.

One-of-a-kind.

Valuable.

A few comments referenced the fact that some of us are getting on in years:

Old and unusual.

Used but useful.

Cover shows wear but contents still good.

Vintage and fabulous.

And then there were the librarians who walk on the wild side:

Banned Books.

DANGEROUS! ADULTS ONLY!

Forbidden… but alluring.

Sexy!

Cheap & Easy [snickers]

My very favorite response? (And entirely realistic, given this crowd?):

Scratched by cats.

In conclusion? One of the many joys of library work is having such clever, fun-loving colleagues. As far as I’m concerned, we’re all Rare Finds.

How about you? If you were a sale book, which table would you be on?

Post your response in the Comments Section.

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Roz Warren

Roz Warren (www.Rosalindwarren.com) writes for the Funny Times, the New York Times, the Philadelphia Inquirer, the Christian Science Monitor, the Jewish Forward, Reader’s Digest and the Huffington Post. And she’s been on both the Today Show and Morning Edition. Roz is the author of OUR BODIES, OUR SHELVES: A COLLECTION OF LIBRARY HUMOR, which collects her most popular essays about library work.

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28 Comments

Mickey

October 28, 2015 at 6:24 pm Reply

I’d be in the recycle bin if the store put books there or maybe in the dumpster or maybe out front in the ‘free’ pile. If I had a dust jacket, it’d be torn, dirty, coffee stained, is that pumpkin cake or cream cheese frosting?, or maybe taped with packing tape. Ha! Thanks, Roz. Oh, YEA! Our public library has TWO copies of your book on its shelves! Yea!

Lavern

October 27, 2015 at 6:10 am Reply

Self Help: Change is inevitable

Diane

October 22, 2015 at 4:52 pm Reply

What an intriguing question. An what descriptive answers! Hmmm . . . I’d be (hopefully) a perennial favourite!

Beverly La Rock

October 22, 2015 at 4:16 pm Reply

Historical Fiction. I have seen enough of it. I love history especially from the side of the losers and that view point is often the fiction part.

Sharon

October 21, 2015 at 6:01 pm Reply

Great story, gives us much to think about. With just a moment I think I’d fit into
Humor
Inspirational
Used but still valid

hillsmom

October 20, 2015 at 10:57 pm Reply

Guess I’d be on the “Buy One Get One” table 😎

Amy

October 20, 2015 at 4:27 pm Reply

Really fun! I laughed out loud at work… hopefully no one heard me. My colleagues aren’t don’t seem to be as fun loving as librarians.

Roz Warren

October 20, 2015 at 8:43 pm Reply

NOBODY is as fun loving as librarians.

Molly Stevens

October 20, 2015 at 1:47 am Reply

I would be on the table with the classics…that is, the Reader’s Digest Condensed versions of the classics. Because I’m shallow. And I like getting to the point. Great post!

Molly Stevens

October 20, 2015 at 1:45 am Reply

I would be on the table with all the Classics…..that is, the Reader’s Digest Condensed versions. Because I’m shallow. And I like to get to the point. Great post!

Kelly

October 20, 2015 at 12:35 am Reply

A long fantasy series- because once I get to know something, I want to be able to enjoy it for a long while afterwards.

Mickey

October 19, 2015 at 9:52 pm Reply

I should know better than to click on something unknown. I wrote a long comment and it got erased. Never mind. I’d be a cookbook or an anthology of mystery writers from the Golden Age to present. So many choices. Love you, love your writing, Roz.

Mickey

October 19, 2015 at 9:50 pm Reply

That was wonderful! I happen to be reading a stack of books by Nicolas Bisbanes who has written and published seriously heavy tomes about books, book collecting, book collectors, and not in the least important, paper. All of the comments listed in the article are spot on about books and book collecting, book buying. I love the one about the water logged box filled with baby spiders (?!). Spiders in water? The Dangerous Adults Only instantly brought to mind, eww, Borat. There are 14 copies of that (you fill in the blank word) book in our public library here in Tucson and my personal feeling is they should all be in the land fill or, okay, at the porn adult book store on Miracle Mile. Awful, creepy book. When I asked to have it removed, the response was that it got good reviews on Amazon. Right. Did you read those reviews?! They were tongue in cheek! I digress. What book would I be? A cookbook? An anthology of my favorite mystery writers? So many choices. Thank you, Roz. Love you, love your writing.

Stacia Friedman

October 19, 2015 at 9:15 pm Reply

I already am a trashy romance novel reipped from the pages of my sordid life, available on Amazon! It’s entitled Tender is the Brisket. The names have been changed to protect the guilty.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0692245103?keywords=tender%20is%20the%20brisket&qid=1445289179&ref_=sr_1_1&sr=8-1