Can a broken marriage be repaired? Is it possible for couples to solve their issues and avoid a divorce? Unfortunately, when one of the spouses mentions the word “divorce” it becomes clear to the other that the relationship was doomed for awhile now. And yet some couples don’t want to give up. They become aware that if they don’t do anything to save their marriage, sooner or later they will fall apart. How do I save my marriage? Where can I go to seek help? Why does my wife want a divorce if she still loves me? These are common questions people ask themselves on the verge of separation.
Acknowledge that things are not going well.
Many people are shocked when all of a sudden their spouse tells them that they want a divorce. Usually, the person who wants to stay married has no idea that the other is unhappy, or that the relationship doesn’t work anymore. In other cases, both spouses can spot the issues; but they choose to ignore them in the hopes that things will get better. Nothing will get better if you’re not willing to talk about your concerns and worries.
There’s no such thing as the perfect marriage. However, there’s always compromise. When one of the spouses compromise more than the other, conflict emerges and the relationship begins to dissolve. How can you save your marriage and avoid a divorce? First of all, you have to acknowledge that things are not going well. As soon as you’ve that your next step is to consider couples’ therapy.
Consider couples’ therapy.
When couples hear about therapy or marriage counseling they freak out. Many believe that therapy is useless, although that’s probably because they’re scared to face their fears. The problem is you must be willing to do everything if you want to avoid a divorce; say “yes” to counseling and your spouse will appreciate your keenness to try and make a change for the better.
The purpose of marriage counseling is to help couples get a sense of what’s truly going on in their relationship. You’ll be put in a room with a neutral third party (the therapist) and you’ll start communicating. If you can’t, the counselor will start mediating the conversation. He will help you move past conflict and focus on the good things that brought you together in the first place. The main responsibility of a counselor is to offer support to both spouses.
Deal with the problems.
A lot of couples don’t want to deal with their marital issues. They choose to ignore them completely. Sadly, you can’t do that forever and sooner or later you’ll snap. You will end up asking for a divorce just to force your better half to wake up. No marriage therapist in the world can fully understand what happens between two married people; only they know the whole truth. When on the verge of a marriage separation, it is important to accept your problems. Don’t play the victim and learn to deal with them. Express affection towards your better half even if your instinct is to shout at them. Don’t let your erratic emotions get the best of your judgment.
Let it all out.
Since the divorce discussion is already on the table there’s nothing to lose if you let it all out. Who knows, with a bit of luck you can actually find the root of the issue and fix it! Make a detailed list with negative comments and feelings you share towards your spouse; have them do the same and then switch lists. Include angry comments, complaints and criticism, and you will feel a lot better. There will be no more secrets to share, no more resentment. Start from zero and engage in a conversation afterwards. Take a deep breath and be open to whatever your spouse has to share.
Married couples who want to save their relationship won’t quit. They might lose a couple of battles but they’ll win the war, eventually. A lot of people don’t believe in couples’ therapy or counseling; however when you’re determined to save marriage you’ll do anything in your power to succeed. Can you imagine living without your current spouse for the rest of your life? Separating yourself from the person you swore eternal love to seems like something impossible to do, doesn’t it? Well then maybe you shouldn’t get a divorce; maybe you should talk and work things out.
Do you feel unhappy? Do you want your partner to love and respect you for the rest of your life? Because if you do, you have to compromise. Couples get divorced because they don’t communicate; because they don’t accept their spouse for who they are; because they have a constant need to change their spouse’s character and personality. Stop doing that! Just love your better half for who they are, and if you can’t then your marriage is a mistake.