I ask my clients “What do you like most about dating?” The question is usually met with a stunned silence, followed by a comment like this: “You mean that there is something positive about dating?”
When you begin dating later in life, you are often starting with a hope for marriage or a long-term relationship. Like many goal-oriented women, you want a guide to dating success. Maybe your search for dating secrets didn’t register the last time around. Maybe you asked friends, or read dating articles or books. Many women feel as confused dating at 50+ as they did at seventeen. Some courtship fundamentals change as we age. If you understand how to compensate, your dating life will flourish.
Adolescent courtship is about chemistry and passion. Young people exude pheromones to attract the opposite sex. Their body language transmits sexuality, and hormone surges help them overcome shyness and inhibitions.
Later in life, passion is tempered by maturity. Although many women long for love, sex, and companionship, hormones no longer impact us as powerfully as they did earler. Men are facing similar issues, and it’s important to recognize that most of them become shyer as they age. They are reluctant to pursue a woman who seems uninterested, because fear of rejection looms larger than anticipation of connection.
Men need flirtatious encouragement, especially if they are recently divorced or widowed. They are as confused by dating as you are.
How to Let Them Know You’re Available
Understanding courtship signals is key. The first step is to signal that you are single and available. As we get older, we’re more likely to be perceived of as married.
The best way to appear single is to consciously create a pheromone aura, dress with flair, and always wear makeup when you leave the house. Say hello, make eye contact and smile at everyone who crosses your path. Enjoy attracting men. If someone compliments you, smile and thank them. Stay and chat if you like, or move on—the choice is yours!
Try this 2-step exercise which helps mimic a pheromone aura.
Step 1 – Relax. Pay attention to how all of your body feels.
Step 2 – Create a pheromone aura: Imagine that you have gone back in time, and are in your early twenties. Visualize that you are with someone who you really care for. You are having a wonderful time. Pay attention to how all of your body feels. Notice your increased energy and sexual feelings. Your posture becomes more erect, your complexion glows and you smile easily. You move more sensuously. It’s a fabulous way to signal availability.
The beauty of being midlife is that you can explore your dating options without having your hormones rule your responses. Signaling availability opens doors – that’s all. When you find someone you want to know better, it’s time to signal interest
Women have told me that they don’t want to act interested in a man because they’re afraid of looking desperate. Men love women who are interested in them.
When you are signaling interest, you are friendly, smiling, and relaxed. You’re having fun, and you are not emotionally invested in the results of your conversation. Your body language is open. You have a brief interaction, but leave him wanting more. You linger at a distance, showing interest in something else, but available if he reconnects. He’ll be flattered, perhaps intrigued enough to want to get to know you better.
Don’t Appear Desperate!
Don’t go over the line and signal desperation. Being too open about yourself, hovering, or being anxious to please causes you to appear insecure. Asking him about his job or which part of town he lives in can be interpreted as checking on his financial status. Instead, ask what he does with his time and what he loves to do. Keep the conversation light, and talk about yourself about half of the time, so that you won’t appear to be interviewing him.
If you practice these signals, remembering the difference between appearing interested and looking desperate, you’ll be more confident. Confidence attracts others, so you’ll have more fun while you’re dating.
Wanting to be in a relationship is healthy and acceptable. Being able to openly look for love later in life is a choice that many of our mothers never imagined. If you can read the signals, compensate for life changes, and take the time and energy to find potential partners, you are bound to succeed.