Breakups and even being dumped are not just teenager or high school problems. As we get older we still endure the harsh realities of losing companionship and, like most people, we have difficulty coping with these heartaches. As the song says, “Breaking up is hard to do.”
If you find yourself faced with this dilemma, these helpful tips can get you to overcome the emotional scars while also guiding you to move forward with the life you want to live.
1. Change your Thinking
Most people going through a breakup are constantly reliving and thinking about the negative aspects of that relationship, and it takes a toll in the way of low self-esteem and decreased confidence. Start by spending at least 10 minutes each day reciting positive thoughts or affirmations. For example: “I am strong, confident, attractive, and make a great life partner.” A positive mindset will ultimately change your outlook through each day.
2. Seek Support
There is no reason to ride the emotional rollercoaster alone. Talk to close friends, family members or a therapist that you feel comfortable with. Find a local support group and talk to others who are going through the same thing. The largest misconception is that you are alone.
3. Get Out of the House
It’s easy to stay inside, mope, and disconnect yourself from the world. This perpetuates feeling lonely. Get out with friends/family at least 3 times in a week doing something social (work doesn’t count), so you’re not home alone feeling bad.
4. Make New Friends
Your current friends can be an excellent support network. At the same time, new friends will bring you new experiences that will make you feel better and help you look at things in a new perspective.
5. Don’t Contact an Old Ex
When you go through a breakup, that feeling of being wanted and needed is missing. Many people have a tendency to contact a long lost ex who knows them well and could make them feel comfortable and wanted again. While this might seem like a good idea, it will actually hold you back from moving on.
6. Don’t Play the Blame Game
Whether you feel the breakup was a result of his actions or something you did, stop playing the blame game. See it as a learning experience and put the focus on moving on. Harping on the past or finger pointing will only re-ignite the reasons as to why the breakup happened, and feeling the need to get the last word will only hinder your progression of becoming you again rather than bringing about a resolution faster.
7. Don’t Have Any More Contact with Each Other
I really suggest that you don’t do this. When you’re fresh out of a relationship, there is a tendency by the person who was dumped to reread old emails, love letters and even try to ‘accidentally’ have a run in with their ex. The best way to move on is to forget about him altogether. Delete old emails, take him out of your phone book, and don’t spy on him or check in on him on Facebook.
8. Do Something Fun
Immediately following a breakup, do something you really enjoy doing. It could be mountain climbing, exercising, bird watching, taking that trip to Europe with your best friend or whatever. In the beginning stages of a breakup, do whatever you have to in order to make yourself feel better. However, be sure to
9. Stay Away from Relationship Movies
Bridget Jones Diaries and other relationship movies may give you solace, but they are movies and not real life. They are no substitute for interacting with real people and getting out into the real world and building your own happy ending.
10. Focus on the Future
And finally this is the most important thing to do. When you’re ready to move on, think about what your life looks like next year at this time. Define what you really want. Write down what your ideal mate looks like, his or her characteristics, how he treats you, and finally, picture the two of you doing all kinds of activities together. There is a definite connection to attracting what you’re focused on.
A breakup is a hard thing to face no matter what your age. The reality is that it hurts and each individual will take their respective time to overcome the pain. Using these tips can make the journey from heartache to happiness easier and more rewarding. There is a better, healthier, and happier you just beyond and it only takes you wanting to get there to make it happen.