Humor & Entertain

Christmas Songs We Love to Hate

After fleeing the pharmacy because I just couldn’t bring myself to listen to one more  Rumpa-pum-pum,  I went online and asked my Facebook friends: What’s your least favorite Christmas song?

The first response?

“Grandma got Run Over By A Reindeer.”

Quickly followed by:

Any song by Pat Boone. Or the Osmonds.

A third pal responded with my own particular nemesis:

“Little Drummer Boy.” I’ve hated it since I was a child.

After which, the song suggestions came fast and furious. Clearly, I‘d touched a nerve.

For some reason, Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmas Time” makes me want to throw myself off a cliff and straight into a forest of the world’s spiniest conifers. Every. Single. Time.

“There‘s No Place Like Home For The Holidays.” If I hear that song one more time…  ARRGG.

“Fairytale of New York.” *HATE* it.

Away in a Manger.” What’s the title even supposed to mean? Has the baby Jesus got wheels on his crib and done a runner? Not to mention the cringe-worthy lyrics.

So many shopping hours! So much bad  music! But I’m going with Pa-rumpa-pum-pum.

That terrible Beach Boys song “Merry Christmas Baby.” Loathe!

Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You.” UGH.

My least favorite? It’s so hard to choose with holiday music playing incessantly from Thanksgiving on. “The Little Drummer Boy,” “Oh Come All Ye Faithful,” “Jingle Bells.” It’s an endless loop. I guess the worst song is whichever one I happen to be listening to at the moment.

That crap cover of Christmas Wrapping” by the Spice Girls? It makes me want to rip off an arm to have something to throw at the radio.

With new technology comes new annoying music. For instance?

“Text me Merry Christmas.” Perfectly awful.

But it was the older stuff that most folks griped about:

“Hark! How The Bells.” A song on just one note. Save me!

Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmas Time.” Shoot me.

“I Want A Hippopotamus for Christmas.” Ugghh.

“Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer.” ARRGH. Damn reindeer should know better!

The Philadelphia Gay Men’s Chorus sang “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” in this year’s holiday concert. Two costumed chorus members acted the song out.  For me it was the one sour note in an otherwise fabulous program.

The Little Drummer Boy.” Those rum-pah-pah-pums have always gotten on my nerves. Love the message. Hate the song. We rum-pah-pum haters should really start a support group.

Brenda Lee’s “Rockin Round the Christmas Tree” totally sucks. I think it’s the saxophone.

Do bad Hanukah songs count too? I nominate “I Had A Little Dreidel.”  Simple tune, simple lyrics, for simpletons.

And the suggestions kept rolling in:

How about “Last Christmas?” The guy in the song gives his heart to his love and then she gives it to  somebody else? How does that even work? For the lyrics to make sense, she’d have to give her own heart to somebody else, not his.

Whoever wrote “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” should be run over by a reindeer.

“All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth!”

“Dominick the Donkey” is without a doubt the worst  Christmas song ever written.

“I Saw Mom Kissing Santa” will be playing in hell when I get there.

“Deck the Halls!

“The Chimpmunks Christmas Song!”

“Little Saint Nick!”

“Feliz Navidad.” I detest that song.

James Taylor’s version of “Jingle Bells.”

If I never hear Bruce Springsteen’s version of “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town” again, I’d be very happy.

I love all Christmas music. That said, I am getting really sick of hearing “Last Christmas by Wham.

Old school crooners, bands and choruses did Christmas covers best. Anyone born after 1940 needs to find another holiday to sing about.

“Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire.” Such a dreary song for a happy holiday.

I received fifty responses within an hour. On the basis of that small sampling, the most loathed holiday tunes by far are “The Little Drummer Boy” and “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer.”

But my impromptu song poll also taught me something else.  For every person who wants to flee the room screaming when a particular holiday song starts up, there’s another listener whose heart is filled with joy:

I, for one, love “The Little Drummer Boy.” When I was a kid listening to it, I imagined myself in the role.

Johnny Mathis signing “Chestnuts” helped sustain me  during Christmas in the first Gulf War when everyone knew we were heading into Kuwait and Iraq. That’s a most welcoming song… best done by a crooner instead of a group IMHO.

Still, the haters seemed happy for a chance to vent about the seasonal music that drives them nuts. And I’m pleased to know that I’m not alone in my aversion to Rumpa-pums.

I‘m less thrilled about the fact that we’ve got days more of this seasonal soundtrack to endure. From now on, when I shop, I’m taking along my IPOD.  You can listen to Rumpa pum pum. I’ll be enjoying  “Happy,“ Instant Karma,” and my own favorite Christmas song, Jonathan Coulton‘s “Chiron Beta Prime.“

Rosalind Warren

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